Starbucks Barista Completes Life Cycle, Becomes Pure Pumpkin

On Thursday, at 3:44 p.m. ET, Ashley Polloway transcended her earthly corporeal Starbucks barista form to become a higher ethereal being composed of pure pumpkin spice.

Fellow employees wished Polloway good luck on her journey, waving somberly at the glowing pumpkin spice cloud as it breezed past the many lingering laptop users and disappeared into the unknown.

“It’s sad,” said co-worker Jeremy Mullen. “She was my ride.”

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